I used to think I was the sort of person who didn't care what other people think. I was wrong. I was the sort of person who wanted other people to think he was the sort of person who didn't care what other people think. A very different critter.
And how did you come to find out you were the latter and not the former? I presume introspection, but I'm interested in the deeper answer if you don't mind.
It's more a kind of holistic observation of my vices, maybe.
Also, I can reflect: Back when I was this sort of person, how would I feel if other people thought I was a regular guy, without eccentricities, with ordinary uneccentric interests in sports and the like? I would surely mind this. And so it's false that I didn't care what people thought.
I have this medicine here that I take for this problem. It is a simple prayer, and if you pray it everyday with all you got, it'll help. It is the Litany of Humility by Rafael Cardinal Merry Del Val:
O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.
From the desire of being esteemed, Deliver me, Jesus. From the desire of being loved, Deliver me, Jesus. From the desire of being extolled, Deliver me, Jesus. From the desire of being honored, Deliver me, Jesus. From the desire of being praised, Deliver me, Jesus. From the desire of being preferred to others, Deliver me, Jesus. From the desire of being consulted, Deliver me, Jesus. From the desire of being approved, Deliver me, Jesus. From the fear of being humiliated, Deliver me, Jesus. From the fear of being despised, Deliver me, Jesus. From the fear of suffering rebukes, Deliver me, Jesus. From the fear of being calumniated, Deliver me, Jesus. From the fear of being forgotten, Deliver me, Jesus. From the fear of being ridiculed, Deliver me, Jesus. From the fear of being wronged, Deliver me, Jesus. From the fear of being suspected, Deliver me, Jesus. That others may be loved more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. That others may be esteemed more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. That others may be chosen and I set aside, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. That others may be praised and I unnoticed, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. That others may be preferred to me in everything, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
Say the above prayer several times a day, every day. There is no magic here. You will realize that our desires to be praised and esteemed and our fears of rejection and humiliation are very miserable chains of bondage that can keep us from building the Kingdom and living the life Christ intended.
And how did you come to find out you were the latter and not the former? I presume introspection, but I'm interested in the deeper answer if you don't mind.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I figured.
ReplyDeleteBrett:
ReplyDeleteIt's more a kind of holistic observation of my vices, maybe.
Also, I can reflect: Back when I was this sort of person, how would I feel if other people thought I was a regular guy, without eccentricities, with ordinary uneccentric interests in sports and the like? I would surely mind this. And so it's false that I didn't care what people thought.
I suspect the same was true of Feynman.
Alex, I have reached much the same conclusion about myself. It was rather shattering of my self-image, actually.
ReplyDeleteVanity of vanities.
ReplyDeleteSo much the better for you, in my book.
ReplyDeleteAlex:
ReplyDeleteI'm right there with you on this one too. I kind of look at it as one of my crosses to bear.
I have this medicine here that I take for this problem. It is a simple prayer, and if you pray it everyday with all you got, it'll help. It is the Litany of Humility by Rafael Cardinal Merry Del Val:
ReplyDeleteO Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.
From the desire of being esteemed, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being loved, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being extolled,
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being honored, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being praised, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being preferred to others, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being consulted, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being approved, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being humiliated, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being despised, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of suffering rebukes, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being calumniated, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being forgotten, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being ridiculed, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being wronged, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being suspected, Deliver me, Jesus.
That others may be loved more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be esteemed more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be chosen and I set aside, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be praised and I unnoticed, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be preferred to me in everything, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
Say the above prayer several times a day, every day. There is no magic here. You will realize that our desires to be praised and esteemed and our fears of rejection and humiliation are very miserable chains of bondage that can keep us from building the Kingdom and living the life Christ intended.
ReplyDelete