Here is a way to live a life: Generally strive to minimize the number
of cases where one’s having a particular sex or gender functions as a
reason for one’s actions or emotional attitudes.
An extreme version of this is not compatible with traditional
Christian sexual ethics unless one is planning on celibacy. It is also
not compatible with American law which requires one to correctly fill
out various forms, such as census forms, that ask what one’s sex is. And
it is not compatible with common-sense morality which requires one to
respect things like sex- or gender-segregated bathrooms.
A moderate version of such a gender-minimizing practice, however,
could be perhaps sustainable within the bounds of traditional Christian
practice, American law and common-sense morality.
One might think that given the heterosexualism of traditional
Christian practice, it is hard in romantic contexts to avoid basing
decisions on reasons like “I’m a a man and she’s a woman.” In this post
I want to explore the idea that one could instead base one’s romantic
actions and attitudes on: “We are an opposite-sex pair.”
One might object: “That’s cheating. The reason why the two are an
opposite-sex pair is that one is a man and the other is a woman.” But
this is “reason” in a different sense of “reason” from that of reasons
for actions and attitudes. That one is a man and the other is a woman is
a metaphysical ground of the two being an opposite-sex pair,
and it may well be one’s epistemic reason for thinking the two
are an opposite-sex pair. But it need not be one’s reason for, say,
asking the other out on a date—the reason for asking the other out on a
date could just be “we are an opposite-sex pair”, and of course the
delights of the other’s person, even if the evidence and metaphysical
ground for “we are an opposite-sex pair” is the more fine-grained fact
that one is a man and the other is a woman.
One could do the same thing when discerning a vocation to the
priesthood. Instead of thinking “I’m a man, so I should consider the
priesthood”, one might think “I am of the opposite sex to the symbolic
sex of the Church (which in turn is the opposite sex to the sex of the
incarnate Word), so I should consider the priesthood.”
Would formulating one’s reasons for action in such an unusual way
have any benefits? I think so. “We are an opposite-sex pair” focuses one
on a relation between the persons. On Trinitarian grounds,
there is reason to think that relationality is central to personhood.
Half of “I am a man and she is a woman” is self-focused. Better to use
“we” than “I” in romantic thinking.
Moreover, we perhaps shouldn’t focus on what is morally irrelevant to
a decision. Suppose two people are a good romantic match in terms of
character traits, interests, etc., and one is male and the other is
female. Supposing (perhaps per impossibile) that their sexes
were swapped, but their character traits stayed the same, plausibly they
would still be a good romantic match. That they are of the opposite sex
is relevant romantically, assuming traditional Christian sexual
ethics. But perhaps which one is a man and which one
is a woman is not very relevant—what’s relevant is that the couple has
one of each sex.
The picture in the above exploration is that the significance of men
and women is largely relational: there is a relationship possible to a
man and a woman that is not possible to two men or to two women. This is
presumably because a man and a woman are an opposite-sex pair, or a
potential mating pair, or something like that. This fact about a man and
a woman is a relational fact. Granted, this relational fact is
metaphysically grounded in certain biological features of the man and
the woman, which features may not be themselves relational (say, the
existence of body parts with a certain shape, or at least of activated
genetic coding for them; though even there the teleology of the parts is
relational). But even if the features are not themselves metaphysically
relational, their ethical significance could still be largely
relational.
Of course, in the end, the physical consummation of love in marital
union will require each party to pay attention to the sexed nature of
their own and the other’s bodies. That’s unavoidable. But perhaps that’s
just a detail? I doubt it’s just a detail myself, but I could
very well be wrong.
Another objection to the above story is that in love we focus on the
specific features of the other, and in romantic love this includes
sex-linked physical features. So when Juliet loves Romeo, she does not
love him just as a “someone of the opposite-sex with character traits
T1, ..., Tn”,
but also as someone with a rich set of lovely physical features, for
which it is important that he is male, as many of them would be
aesthetically and biologically unfitting in a woman. Agreed! But that
doesn’t mean that Juliet’s own femaleness needs to be a part of
her reasons for loving Romeo. Instead, she can love him as “someone of
the opposite-sex to me with character traits T1, ..., Tn,
and with physical features Φ1, ..., Φm
which are splendidly fitted to his maleness.” Of course that Romeo is of
the opposite-sex to Juliet and that Romeo is male implies that Juliet is
female, but even though it implies this, it need not be a part of her
reasons for love. I do like the thought that we should minimize
focus on self in other-love.
Perhaps the above story isn’t right. I don’t endorse it. It’s
entirely hypothetical. I find some features of the story attractive, but
my credence in the story is well below 50%. There may well be ethically
significant non-relational features of being and being female. Perhaps
swapping the sexes of a well-matched romantic couple might in fact
change whether they are a good match.
For instance, maybe there are specifically male virtues and
specifically female virtues, and then swapping sexes while keeping
character the same produces someone who lacks virtues that they should
have. Maybe, but I am inclined to be skeptical of this suggestion. A
more moderate view would be C. S. Lewis’s, that although men and women
should have the same virtues, the lack of certain virtues in a man is
worse than their lack in a woman and vice versa. That has more
of a chance of being right. I could imagine future scientific research
telling us that the typical hormonal make-up of men tends to make some
virtues easier for them and the typical hormonal make-up of women tends
to make other virtues easier for them. Lacking an easier virtue seems
worse than lacking a harder virtue, other things being equal. If so,
then if you swapped sexes while keeping characters unchanegd, the moral
evaluation could change. Perhaps Alice and Bob are respectively a decent
woman and a decent man, but Alice would make a terrible woman and Bob
would make a terrible man. Maybe. But if they both got worse
symmetrically in this way, while keeping the same actual virtues, maybe
it wouldn’t make a big difference to their romantic relationships.
They’d still have the same virtues between the two of them, the same
vices between the two of them, it’s just that the evaluation of these
virtues and vices would be a bit different. And in any case on a story
like the hormonal one, it’s not clear that the specific sexes matter
except causally, as tending to produce the hormones.
My thinking on this was sparked by two things. First, for a while
I’ve been exploring imagining what life would be like if we were isogamous
heterothallic organisms, which of course we are not. Second, I
recently attended the defense of a very interesting dissertation arguing
among other things that it is compatible with Catholic orthodoxy to hold
that gender (though not biological sex) distinctions are a major result
of original sin.