Some ethical truths are intuitively obvious but it is hard to understand the reasons for them. For instance, sexual behavior should be, at least other things being equal, kept private. But why? While I certainly have this intuition, I have always found it deeply puzzling, especially since privacy is opposed to the value of knowledge and hence always requires a special justification.
But here is a line of thought that makes sense to me now. There is a natural connection between the sacred and the ritually hidden recognized across many religions. Think, for instance, of how the holiest prayers of the Tridentine Mass are said inaudibly by the priest, or the veiling of the Holy of Holies in the Temple of Jerusalem, or the mystery religions. The sacred is a kind of mysterium tremendum et fascinans, and ritual hiddenness expresses the mysteriousness of the sacred particularly aptly.
If sexuality is sacred—say, because of its connection with the generation of life, and given the sacredness of human life—then it is unsurprising if it is particularly appropriately engaged in in a context that involves ritual hiddenness.
Note that this is actually more of a ritual hiddenness than an actual secrecy. The fact of sex is not a secret in the case of a married couple, just as the content of the inaudible prayers of the Tridentine Mass is printed publicly in missals, but it is ritually hidden.
I wonder, too, if reflection on ritual hiddenness might not potentially help with the “problem of hiddenness”.
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That is an excellent insight, and I believe it is correct.
However, on a more practical level, the privacy of sex is to avoid the near occasion of sin since it is an intrinsic evil to involve any number of people other than two in any sexual act (by sexual act I mean act that is or will lead to intercourse). Therefore, while a Tridentine prayer MAY be private (to increase reverence), sex MUST be private. Of course that is not always possible insofar as sound travels through walls, etc. But a reasonable attempt should be made to maintain privacy.
Interesting connection with the problem of hiddenness...
It's a good parallel, since it's only an apparent hiddenness and not an actual one. But what is the payoff? It is possible that there are more who seek Him because of the hiddenness than who would have known of Him but not sought Him. In my experience, those who complain of the hiddenness of God tend to be either seeking Him (and perhaps they'll find Him), or unwilling to follow Him even if He revealed Himself to them.
A couple of thoughts on this quite interesting post...
1. Maybe the best concept to use here is actually "sacred" instead of "hidden". I believe the etymology of "sacred" takes us to "separate, set apart". The interesting part for me is when we realize that the setting apart is actually what makes it able to express the connection to the divine, to the other-worldly. So we set apart our churches as places where you can't eat, can't work, can't talk casually, can't do sports in, etc. This is not what makes it holy, but it is what, humanly speaking, allows us to express that this place connects somewhere else. If we de-sacralize, we break the connection to the divine. This also applies to sex, which should be sacred, set apart, so that it is still able to connect to greater realities (which it intrinsically should).
2. Sex requires comprehensiveness, totality. If a third person is involved, even if just by looking on, that reduces the exclusivity and the totality of the giving of self present in sex. Therefore, lovers must intend for sex to be fully private. You mention "the value of knowledge" which is opposed to this restriction. But I would put it like this: there is a value in sharing knowledge, related to the fact that sharing knowledge normally does not reduce knowledge. It can be given away without being lost. But not so in the knowledge of a sex act. What is known becomes lessened if given to others. There's a certain indivisibility to a sex act, and to the knowledge of a sex act. We can remember also the biblical connection between the act itself as knowledge.
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